Life is at a standstill

it has been never been like this,
not quite sure of what i want
don’t know what more that i need to do,
feels like a soul devoid of life;

one moment my joy knew no bounds,
a new beginning is what i got,
a new meaning to a lonely existence,
i was happy;

as reality dawned on me,
i felt my happiness come crashing down,
all in one big thud, i wondered
if my luck was anything but bad;

i try to find a reason,
i try to find a cure

,
i tried all that was possible,
but it feels as if my life has come to a standstill;

i don’t want to give up,
i don’t want to cave in so easily,
so i am desperately plotting my revenge
against a life that has become mundane;
(and take control of it once and for all
before i lose my sanity and question my very existence)

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A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor – African Proverb